You & me

My life was complete in the hands of the 5 most beloved people

You took one from me and said “you survive with it”

It was not easy but I did survived. I strive the lost and the consequences of it.

And guess what, I had passed through it successfully although it hurts to the core of my heart.

I was happy again. The world was a lovely place to live with. I met great souls and minds which

fascinated me, supported me and loved me most.

I was happy

Then, one day this soul needed a new love. Not mother’s love, sibling’s love, relative’s love nor

friend’s love.

It needed a new love.

A man’s love.

How would it be to be loved by a guy?

A guy that sincerely gives his heart to u.

A guy who will take care of you and be there for you.

A guy who will comfort you when you are down

A guy who will make your heart leap when you see him

A guy who will bring a smile to your face without saying anything

A guy who will accept you and love you just the way you are

The soul started to search for this guy.

And it found one.

A guy who was with me all the while but I did not realise he was there for me.

A guy who tried so hard to convey his feelings but I did not know of his existence.

Things started to change once I realized his feeling.

One conversation at midnight changed my life forever.

I fell in love

Deeply in love with a guy whom I thought I knew him long enough to safely fell in love with him

That was a most loveliest feeling one can ever feel

The butterflies flatters in my stomach whenever I see him is beyond any scientific explanation

The chemistry I felt was so intriguing and magnificent to an extent I can even wake from my deep

sleep to wait for his call or text.

And guess what,he will exactly call a minute later which is unexplainable. Not once but many times.

Then, I know he was the soul mate I waited for long.

I confessed my feeling for him,

Bring down the wall around my heart for him to see it

Let him win over me

I know he is the end of my life.

And this will be forever.

I was at the top of the world.

But that never last long.

You see, Someone (God) up there just could not stand watch me having a happy life.

He wants all my love for Him only.

So, He turned over everything

Everything became a mistake

I should have left him chased me more.

I should not have fell for him so easily

He went away.

The more I fell for him, the far he went away

Communication broke down between us

Things started to get sour

My world went upside down

All this happened without any reason.

He backed off

No reasons was given

No words was spoken

No nothing

I wonder what went wrong

After all and after everything when everything supposed to bloom perfectly he should not have did

this to me

My heart was torn in two.

I bleed day and night

Still I survived.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and gathered the pieces of my broken heart

To put my feet on something more solid

The reality.

It is enough of me sailed through the ocean of imagination in the ship of love.

It was pleasant journey at beginning but when a storm strike my ship sunk

Not even love is strong enough to survive that storm

But even in this darkness I found the light

The courage to be Me again

Yes, I did survived that.

 But the pain and disappointment were still there.

I know life had to move on

There are people who depend on me now

They had done their best to raise me up

Now it is my turn to keep them happy and comfortable

For this I will swallow this pain and get back to my life

After months of hard work, my life had finally settled

I was a career woman

A woman with a job and also some major responsibilities

A woman with everything but not the love she yearns for.

She still waits for him thinking he just needed some time to adapt to the changes.

Haha, guess what she was dreaming again

A day came when I got to know that he was in relationship

Then I realized that all this while I have not accept the reality

I cheated myself to forget the pain he left

Now he is gone forever

And this time I believe strongly that I will survive again!!!!

And to the Man up there, this is what I want to tell you

No matter what come up in my life

Be it a storm or tsunami or anything

I Will Not Ever Give Up On My Life nor On You!

There will be a day for You to realize that You had played enough game on me

And Now it is time to stop all that

And give this girl the life and love she needed.

Till then I will only say

“I Will Survive”

Saint de Valentin’s curse?

I glanced around and saw two couples exchanged their gifts of love, another were having lovely candle light dinner, the gifts shops and restaurants were decorated lovely and everywhere else you turn there was a sparks of love! But not in my direction.  People only can view my sad, tired and exhausted face! Yesterday had been a hell of day for me!  We were driving to Klang General Hospital. My brother met accident while on his way to Klang and we got this news early 13.02.2011 morning.

We kept on hearing so many things about his condition from different sources. And that really freaked us out! He is my only brother and could be the only boy I love more than anything else! I just can’t afford to lose anything! And he is also my very first best friend!

My mum and I rushed to Klang General Hospital where he was admitted! We were relieved only after saw him with our very own eyes! He had minor head injuries due to the impact and his veins connecting his thumb on left and right hands were damaged. The operation was scheduled on 14.02.2011. But we did not want to continue his treatment in Klang GH. Basically we had far too many “good” experiences through relatives or friends regarding the quality of treatment in Government hospitals! Putting all this in our mind, we asked them to transfer him to private hospitals. But we can’t get the approval of the Medical Officers! All of them were busy with their cases and were in and out Operation Theatre. And there were only few M.O’s to refer to! We were lost! Although we had everything to give him better treatment, just because of the hospitals terrible management we can’t transfer him to any hospitals. We kept on informing the other doctors and nurses to inform the M.O in charge and all they did was asked us to WAIT! We waited so long for the M.O’s to get their asses out of their O.T but they did not even meet us even after their operation! I was so frustrated.

No appetite to eat, no mood to talk and all of us were grieving inside! I was hiding my grieving and sadness behind my eyes just to give my mum the strength and the courage that he will be alright! And besides all this, my “ex-dad” was there too. It has been solid 7 years since I talked to him lastly. He broke all my dreams of a perfect family when he married another woman. He brought so many sadness and exhausting experiences in my life! And I had to face all these at a very young age! As young as 15! Every other teenagers of my age were having fun with their teen life while I was grieving in my own world! But I learnt a lot! To be tough, to be independent, to be mature and practical about life and also to not trust anyone so easily when it comes to love! Since then (may be until now) it had been very hard for me to give any man a place in my heart. What a past life! Every of my dark memories flooding back! But I was given no choice. We got to stand together as family! At least for my brother! Because there wasn’t much can be done by my mum nor me! May be there are some limitation of things that can be done by woman alone! Or maybe it just a fate that brought all of us together on the eve of Valentine’s Day. I wonder how my mum felt that time?

I was emotionally exhausted! But for the moment I’m just hoping that my brother will get well soon and hope his operation will be successful! I just need to be stronger than ever! Oh God, please give me everything that it takes to get through this phase!

My Trip To Penang with My Bestie :)

We reached Penang around 5pm after a hectic jam in North - South Highway (Supposed to reach 3 pm). Danny fetched us. We hit his apartment, relaxing, chatting and catch up on whatever we had missed for almost two years! ( gosh that's long !!). And the trip began.......

Oh yeah, this is in Soho! A pub with good home-made food and great entertainment. Also discovered a new talent in me ;). I can play pool! weehaaa!

Oh, this is Shal - in action! Love her expression! Full of wildness :D

Day 2 started with Dim Sum. Good meal :)

One of the interesting shops! I wonder who in the earth will wear this except night club dancers! hmmmm...

Me love this telephone booth since I was a kid! 

Cute Beca!

Love this art and the hidden person lol :P

Free delivery for lunch :)

It is really nice to spend wonderful time with ur besties and buddies! ( from left Nadia, Danny, me n Shal)

Trip ended with hot dances!!! *wink*wink* (from left Nadia, Rubi, me n Shal)

This trip is a ticket for us (me n Shal) to get out of our stressful life. It had been simple, relaxing and beautiful. Hope to have more fun trips next time :) 

Sick again!

It has been a while since I got any cold, fever or sore throat. But this new disease - FOOD POISONING (my personal medical history) is torturing me! Now, I really have to think twice if I wants to grab any fried stuff from hawker's stall. Seriously, I'm somewhat became phobia to hawker's food. Because this is the second time I got food poisoning in 3 months period (last was in December) and it won't cure until I get a jab!

This whole feeling of being food poisoned is not a good feeling! I will be dehydrated due to diarrhea and continuous vomiting with every consumption of fluid! So nothing can be taken orally! Jab is the only option to stop my vomiting and save me from severe dehydration! Hmmm..... what a sensitive stomach! Now i crave for good meals. Lost my appetite due to this! Only having plain porridge or bread for the moment!

 I wonder how long I can survive with this.

Terrible Annual Dinner I Ever Had!

Haha...... I have been through a lot since I started to work in that particular company. But this one was one of the worst memories.  

Company’s annual dinner is done usually to appreciate the contribution of employee. So for that, I have seen the employer goes all the way to make it a grand event or at least special for his people! But the dinner I went, annual dinner I suppose was more of simple 8 course dinner. No speech of appreciation, no event, and etc.

 They held it in a restaurant, co-ventured with other companies I guess (coz there were more people that I have not met, n I know there is no other branch)! Everyone went in, the courses started n end of 8^th courses the boss said hi and bye and thanked everyone to be there!

I’m not being a critic here. But from what I have seen as a employee ( Food Technologist) of the company I think the operators deserve way more than that! It is not that the company is running in loss! Being a small company with employees less than 100 and revenues that could exceed rm100,000 per month from the production, I personally feel that it should have been more than a simple dinner! And the worst part is the food is not even tasty! At least they could have done it in more private place or should have made sure that the food served was good!

I swear to myself that I’m not going for that company’s annual dinner anymore! It is simply because I don’t want to erase the beautiful memory I had from other annual dinners which had been way bizarre and special than this with all my besties! The only best thing I got for making an effort to attend this dinner was the lucky draw! I got cash of RM 288.00. That made my day! lol

One of my very romantic imagination made into film!

Well i'm not a really romantic person. Perhaps I could be! but I didn't have much experience being with a partner or been there in any romantic situation! But it is usual for girls ( at least me) to imagine romantic stuff when they were alone. Like the very sweet romantic walk during sunsets, candlelights dinner, sitting by a lake side during full moon and stary night and etc. Well this video was one of my very romantic imagination. i was taken back when I came across this scene while watching the twelveth episodes of Vampire Diaries season 2! It was such a beautiful scene. The sun, horses, on top of hills in your loved ones arms. Hmmm it just perfect. Look at chemistry they were in! It's lovely! I just can't help it but i'm keep on watching it again and again!

Collection of cute notes

Ø 
Dear Parents. Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinnochio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party. You can't blame us. We were taught to rebel since a young age.

Ø 
Yes... 
I'm a girl
I push doors that clearly say PULL
I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing.
I walk into a room and [forget] why I was there
I count on my fingers in math class
I try to accomplish things with time still on the microwave
I wish for Love every 11:11,
[I][Lie][Sometimes] to hide the pain 
I say its a long story when it's really not 
I fall in love too hard too fast
all I want is to kiss you in the rain
-YES-I'M-A-GIRL-
but thats more than it seems...

Ø 
Katy Perry shot fireworks from her chest which made Usher scream "OMG" so loud that Rihanna became mentally retarded and then walked around saying 'What's My Name.' Well, Willow Smith became so annoyed she threatened to Whip Her Hair at Rihanna if she didn't stop. So Bruno Mars got so mad he threw a grenade at her. But then Ke$ha, defending Willow, said We R Who We R! So they started fighting and everyone backed up, but Eminem came in, saying 'I'm Not Afraid' saving the world, then Nelly woke up and said, "Phew, it was just a dream!!" (: ☺

Ø 
Today my 7 year old cousin gave her 5 year old brother a kiss on the cheek. After she walked away, I saw him rubbing the spot where she had kissed him. I asked if he was wiping the kiss off. He said "no, I'm rubbing in it so it gets to my heart faste

Ø 
I am a girl. When I'm not around people I wear huge tshirts and sweatpants,no make up, dont brush my hair, i drink out of the orange juice carton, I watch random crap on TV...like if you're one of those girls who acts like a guy sometimes

Ø  12 year old boy: Hey dad, I got a girlfriend! Dad: Good for you boy, I'm proud of you! 17 year old girl: Hey dad, I got a boyfriend!!! :D Dad: Oh no you didn't **loads up shotgun**

Ø   
We're all going to feel like we're in love at some point, we're all going to have our hearts broken once. At some point, we'll feel like we want to die, and another time in our lives, we'll want to burst of happiness. We'll make new friends and forget our other friends. You'll feel like you've been ignored at one point, and like you have too much attention at another. We'll all have that day when we think we look fantastic and a day when we think that we are the ugliest thing in the world.
Life has it's ups and downs, but it's totally worth it in the end.

Ø    
Lost your pen = no pen 
No pen = no notes 
No notes = no study 
No study = Fail 
Fail = no diploma 
No diploma = no work 
No work = no money 
No money = no food 
No food = skinny 
Skinny = ugly 
Ugly = no love 
No love = no marriage 
No marriage = no children 
No children = alone 
Alone = depression 
Depression = sickness 
Sickness = death 

Lesson: Don’t lose your pen, you will die ;) ====è I know it’s far fetch but like it though

And the romantic one! Very touchy

Ø 
True Love: A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a deserted road on a motorcycle...
GIRL: "Slow down, we're going to fast. I'm scared!"
BOY: "Come on, don't worry. I know what i'm doing, your having fun right?"
GIRL: "NO. Please stop. I'm really scared!!!"
BOY: "Then tell me you love me
GIRL: "I LOVE YOU! now please slow down."
BOY: "Give me a hug"
*GIRL HUGS HIM*
BOY" "can you help me out here? take my helmet off me and put it on you? it's bugging me".
In the paper the next day...A motorcycle has crashed into a building due to break failure. Two people found, but only one survived. TRUTH... halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know...instead he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant he would die...that's TRUE LOVE♥