What a break......

It had been almost three months since I lastly wrote. Too busy or should I say I kept myself busy!!! Many events took place during this period of time. Part time job, few interviews in Multinational Company’s (MNC), break-up with my childhood love and my graduation. Detailed story will be up soon... J

My First Date- 24.07.2010

It is the most happiest, nervous, and irritating moment of my life. Confused? I know. All this feeling does not co-relate to each other. But this is how I felt on that day. It was planned at last minute. I mean very last minute. He called me around noon and asked me out for a movie (this is my childhood friend; we had a crush and now it is developing to love). We used to hang out quite often last time when we were friends. And most of the time it will be with some of my other colleagues as well. Never alone. This is the first time that we want to do it alone. I was very excited and nervous at the same time. I asked my mum (I told her about our relationship and she accepted!) and she said okay very easily. So we planned to go for Inception, 10pm show.

I started to try almost all clothes in my closet to choose the best to wear that night. And found one finally. I started to get ready when the clock struck at 8pm. It only took me half an hour to get ready. I made sure I look simple but sexy ;) in my own way. I don’t want to show him that I was excited for the moment although the truth is I was very very excited. The clock showed 9pm. He has not showed up. “Oh no, he’s late for his first date”? I wonder. I used to tease him last time by saying that he will be late for all important things in his life especially anything got to do with GIRLS when he used come late for any discussion or group study. And now he really did. I don’t know whether he did it purposely or he was up to something. So I waited and the clock showed 10pm. Definitely, we cannot make it for 10pm show. I messaged him. And he said one of his friend and his friend’s girlfriend wants to follow him as well. So it became the so-called double date. He said we will catch up the midnight show. My mum was kinda mad at me for going out late night (well she was worried) but she did allow me. Until now she did not really explained to me why she would take that risk. Is it because she trusts me a lot or is it because she trusts him a lot. I dared not ask her.

He was at my house at 10.15pm. We went by his car together with his friend as well. I was really mad at him and thought of scolding him for being late but when I saw the way his eye bloomed with excitement when he saw me get into his car made me forget everything (very easy to compel me right- only this guy does has the trick). It has been seven months since I lastly met him. We sort of confessed our love to each other last October. But our relationship did not progress much since we were apart from each other. I was in Sarawak and he stayed in Kuala Lumpur. And I was also very busy with my Final year that I had neglected and misunderstood him several times. So this is the first time we are meeting each other after many minor quarrels, affection, intimate conversation etc.

Everything went well. As usual we enjoyed teasing each other and were updating each other about our lives and where we were heading next - I mean in life ;). I was lost at certain moments when his friend started to talk. This is the first time I ever met him. So there was not much I could share in their conversation. And their conversation was specific about someone or something that they knew or shared. So I kept quiet. When he realized that, he tried to get me into his conversation by making it a general conversation. I appreciate it but the whole idea of double date sort of switched me off. It has been long since I met him. I want his attention on me. I want to have him for myself (I know I sounded possessive!! I’m well aware of that too). So, the idea of sharing him with his friend during our first date just pissed me off. I can’t even have any private chat with him. I even thought twice to hold his hand or to lie on his shoulder during the movie. But I dismissed the thought of it soon. I cannot show my affection publicly. It feels awkward! I know I’m weird but I just can’t do it.

So the rest of the night, I tried my best to be nice to his friends. I just didn’t want to create any bad impression from his friends on the first meeting itself. All of us enjoyed the movie. It was a mind blowing movie. But all my fantasies regarding how my first date will be were trashed. Nothing happened. Not even a goodbye kiss. Hmmm ...

In a nutshell, these are some big NO-NO’s if you are going for First date:

1.      Don’t be late. You might create bad impression

2.      Don’t do double date on your first date

3.      Even if you do, Don’t bring a friend that only either one of you is close to them – communication barrier

4.      If possible select a slow moving or boring movie that you need to concentrate less so that you could spend time or talk to each other  

5.      Lastly, Guys end your night with something sweet or memorable. It is a day that you will remember forever.

Love Story......

This is the story of a girl who waited patiently for so long for her love to be understood by a particular guy that stole her heart. They were childhood friends and know each other for around 10 years. It started with friendship and somewhere in the middle during their adolescent they realized it is not friendship anymore. Everything they share to each other has deep meaning and it was very intimate. Both of them are well aware of the hormonal changes and chemistry that taking place between them but neither of them wants to admit it. Their EGO, PRIDE, and FEAR of rejection hold them back. So what they did? It is easy to guess. They hide their feeling. How long they can do this? The boundaries broke one day. They confessed to each other. It was an awkward moment for both of them but it was undeniably sweet. They did not even think that their friendship will take a new direction. But it was the happiest moment in their life (at least for the girl). Now both of them just hope that they will be there for each other for the rest of their life while enjoying each other's company.

Nausea

Argghhhh what a weird feeling from morning. I had a terrible night last night. One of my friends called around midnight. While we were chit chatting I stated to realize that I’m getting the symptoms of my worst disease, migraine. But how could it be possible. Cause, usually my migraine will be due to heat or stress. And there is no chance for such a situation. It has been raining for few days and it damn freezing here and I’m at house doing nothing except get enough rest while of course gaining getting more “healthier”. So is it due to the fact that I’m hanging in phone for about 20 minutes?

 Weird!! Well it is my worst migraine where I feel like banging my head on the wall or hammer it!! And after few minutes of taking my migraine pills – Ponstan-  I was so restless. And the next thing I know is I was at the toilet bowl vomiting everything that I had consumed throughout the night. I was light headed. And I know I really need to get enough sleep so that it will be better the next morning. And guess what? I’m still having the same restless feeling for the whole day. I was nauseating throughout the day. Luckily, my migraine had gone. But I just don’t know how to get rid of nausea.  Huhu...

Job job job

Let me tell you what my schedule everyday is starting from the moment I got up from my bed – oh wait after my breakfast will be more appropriate. Log on to my Jobstreet account to check updates regarding my job application. There are about 7-8 application to different types of job in my specialization which is biotechnology. 

Well the jobs are not that great. Usually it will be lab technician, lab assistant, sales consultant and etc. Usually my qualification will be about the requirements or sometimes I will be over qualified for the job. The one thing I will be lacking is the experience part. I know I’m still a fresh graduate. But it is not my fault for heaven sake. I was not given a chance to show what my abilities are or to gain any experience.  And there would not be any great changes in the job application status. Either it will be My Application:New or My Application:In Process or My Application:Under Consideration or My Application:Kept for Reference or the worst My Application: unsuccessful. 

So, clearly there is not much about what I had to do more. Usually what I’ll do is search for more vacancies and applies for it. And repeat the same thing every day. This has been going since I finished my third year studies dated 18 May 2010. And right at the moment I still haven’t get any positive reply. Now I wonder what the problem is. You see troubleshooting the problem is another problem. I never came across anyone who had a positive experience in job searching by using Jobstreet. That makes my judgement little wobbly. 

Talking about my academic qualification. Hhmmm it wasn’t that bad. Of course I did not get a first class or gold medal. But I think upper second class is way too better for that jobs that I applied which requires minimum STPM or Diploma qualification. So what is the problem now? My curricular activities??  I don’t think so. I have good record of participation in curricular activities starting from my secondary schools until university. And I have valid certificates to prove that.  So what is the problem now?  All this analysis leads me to a dead end!!

 I’m stuck now. And I’m still wondering what and where did I went wrong. If this is going continue in my future job application, definitely I’m going to call the companies to ask them directly the reasons for the rejection. I know it is kinda rude. But hey what other option do I have now other than this? All this makes me wonder whether the Jobstreet is really doing it’s job o no? Or all this is just a blanket by government to say “hey people we are doing our best to help our graduates get employed”.  –duh-.

Truth discovered- nothing is forever....

Here I am at the age of 23 years old, still wondering how many people do really knows me for who I am? How many people do really love and cares for me. All the relationship around me seems too tangible. As if it will slip away any time soon.

May be they have been using me as a ladder for them to get something from me. Or I’m just there as a gap filler in their life. And I got to know all this when I’m in midst of my life crisis. The experience or the feeling of being an unemployed person is the hardest thing one can live with. It is even worst when you have excelled in everything academically or in curriculum previously. It feels like this is the only failure - the whole unemployment thing- The people who were there around to cherish my victory were not here to share my only failure. I wonder what and where it went wrong.....

I’m building a wall around me now. It is just too painful to know what you have cherished all this while is vanishing slowly. I have to prepare myself to face the world alone. And now the only person I could ever trust and put a hope on is myself and only myself.

I know this is only a phase (bad phase I mean) that I have to go through for the moment. It will be gone soon and I will be back to my path to be a successful person. But the lesson I learned through this experience is just hard to digest. You are all alone by yourself. ~ I know I will get through everything~

TROUBLED LIFE

Life has been tough for me recently. It was true that people says you are in a honeymoon year throughout your studying period although you know you are going through hell of time. But here I am, after I had completed my degree still wondering what will be my next step. It will be whether I will work or continue my Master's study. The problem now is the road/ path in front of me is just too blur. I could not determine what is best for me. How I wish I could be in UNIMAS now continuing my 7th semester. No matter how hard I try  I know it won’t happen. I got to do something or break this whole sober stage. The jobstreet, jenjobs, nor monster is doing great in finding me a job. No matter how many jobs I applied the results will be the same. It is either my application will be kept for reference or it will be an unsuccessful application. I know I am qualified to do anything in my field which is Biotechnology. I know I had enough knowledge of it. So what if I don't have experience. I can learn. I'm still fresh so there is nothing that I can't do. And I don't mind taking new challenges. Even the greatest person need to take his/ her own first step. Now all I'm asking for is a chance. A chance to prove I am a worthy person and u did not make a wrong decision by choosing me.