My nEW yEar ResoLuTion LiSt - Hidden behind the meanings of these songs! ;)

 I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad

      buy all of the things I never had

Oh every time I close my eyes
I see my name in shining lights
A different city every night oh
I swear the world better prepare
for when I’m a billionaire – PROSPEROUS

2.       G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
By the glamorous, ooh, the flossy, flossy – LIFESTYLE

3.       Wing down, sweet chariot stop and, let me ride
hell yeah
Swing down, sweet chariot stop and, let me ride
with all the niggaz sayin
Swing down, sweet chariot stop and, let me ride
Hell yeah
Swing down, sweet chariot stop and, let me ride – CAR!!

4.      Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My lonliness ain’t killing me no more
I’m stronger   - ATTITUDE

5.       A Moment like this. 
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. 
Some people search forever for that one special kiss. 
I cant believe its happening to me. 
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.  - LOVE

6.      I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world. –APPRECIATION

7.       We are the champions - my friends 
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end - 
We are the champions - 
We are the champions 
No time for losers 
'Cause we are the champions - of the world – SUCCESS

8.       As we go on, we remember 
All the times we had together 
And as our lives change 
Come whatever, 
We will still be friends forever  - FRIENDS

9.       Keep it together in the family
They're a reminder of your history
Brothers and sisters they hold the key
To your heart and your soul
Don't forget that your family is gold – FAMILY

10  Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come - HOPE

5.       

Being Myself

I have been a sober for quite sometimes. It’s time for me to loosen up a bit and enjoy myself. Life has been a bit unfair for me especially in relationship. Not only in my love life but also in other relationship. I have lost faith in some of my friends and besties. I don’t know how I am going to manage it or overcome it. But the one thing i know and i need right now is time for myself. So buckle up Jay n rejoice the life u have.

I know it is somewhat hard for a person to buckle up from heart break and disappointments. But the more I spend my time on it the more I become depressed and the more I’m wasting my own time and energy. “You live only for once and once you miss this moment you won’t get it back”.  I’m very well informed about this fact. So I’m going to make a difference to my already dead life.

I try to trace back my source of happiness. Spend days and night to really learn about myself (it’s a worth the effort actually). I found my family is the main source of my happiness. I love being myself. And I only can be that without any boundaries when I’m with my family members. We have unique understandings of each other. It is such a small family my mum, sis, bro and me, we always complement each other very much.  And our relationship grew deeper and deeper with every incidence and events. I’m so happy about it.

My next happiness is through the bond I shared with my cousins. I love all of them very much. Too much affection for them. We grew up together. And when I mentioned cousin, all of them are very young to me. Indeed very very young from me. We shared the bond since we were kids. From reading stories to all sort of funny games you could ever think, we had did it before. The age is not a problem for us. Nowadays kids maturity is much more difference than last time. So I can mingle with them without any problems. And I decided that time that we not going to be cousins for the sake of name but true cousins whom connected through lots of love and affection. I was not sure about all this that time. But all the little effort that I made to keep us close with each other turn out to be very successful. Each of us knew that we are meant to be together.  And now I am having a lots fun with them. The only obstacle we had for all our plans last time is money. And since I’m working now, I’m sponsoring all the plans, literally. Hehe. And I’m enjoying doing that. The next thing we would really want to do is going to Genting Highland and have our own gala time. We really look towards it.

  (Picture of my cousins at my bro's 21 b'day party) - still some missing in action.

And the last but not least ( if i wanna talk abt all the things tht would make me happy, tht would be a never ending story ;)) thing that I do really wants to do is music. I had  passion for this since I was six or seven. Due to lack of facilities I can’t even think about it. That’s how all my passion for music just faded away. I was very sad. But now I have an opportunity to do it again. All by myself, with my own money and without any other obstacles. So I’m starting with instruments first. I want to learn guitar. Checked out few guitars, but haven’t crossed one that would make me fall for it. I want it to be perfect. Because it will definitely be something for me. And I’m very sure I will find it soon J

Hope that the directions I took will help me discover myself again and will give me a new hope and reason to live this life once again!

   ( one of my passion too : fashion ! me n my newly bought dress) :)

Haunting Past

People says past is a ghost. It always will haunt u. I did not believe it at that time. But when I had an ugly past, all this seems true. And the past that haunts me currently is my so-called- first-love. Ohwww what a memorable moments it should be!!  But nothing of that sort did happen!!! Somehow when I look back the days we were happy it would be only few days. Mostly either we will fight or it will be complete silence for months.

This is not the first time we fought. But this time it was different. Usually, when we fought I know somehow it will only be for few hours. But now, I have no hope. It was quite ugly. I feel betrayed; that my trust for him had crushed into pieces. I don’t know whether I will recover from this and be able to move on with my life. But the one thing for sure is that love is not a comfortable zone for me, not anymore.

I’m not an easy girl. I don’t know whether it’s because of my personality or it’s the upbringing of my mother. It took me a very long time to really trust a guy and fell for him. Even the guy I fell for is one my close friend whom I know for more than 10 years. I had a crush for him in my schooling time. But I was not really dare to confess or express my love. I thought we were too young for this.

So when I felt it was the correct moment, I said it out to him. Even that happened after I came to know that he also had crush on me. At beginning, it felts like you are in heaven. As though you met your soul mate and meant for each other. While I was flying high with the euphoria feeling somehow he felt a bit insecure. Previously he had been into few relationships. None of it ever worked out. So he felt that relationship is not meant for him. But somehow I tried my very best to convince him. I think he never really come out of that insecure feeling.

That was the main ground for all the fights we had. His insecurities and mine too. I felt that it was not fair. It is really not fair to take past relationship as precedence to start a new one. I’ve given my best. But he did not really see it. So I found out that all that i had ever done is pointless and hopeless. It aint doing anything good to the relationship. At some situation I know it seemed that I was in desperate condition.  And I know I can’t endure all this; suffer from all the hurts n etc. I quit it. I said it was over.

Months passed by. Things changed. Certain things took charge of me. I started to forget all these things and somehow move on. Suddenly, there were few circumstances brought us together; made us to meet each other. We share the same circles of friends. So any friend’s event or parties we tend to meet each other. It was awkward. We kept our relationship secret as we don’t want any havocs from our friends. So none of our friends ever knew about the things that had happened between us. That made the whole situation even worst.

But what worries me now is whether my decision to quit is correct or no. I see the pain in his eyes. And I know what he is going through for I am going through the same situation. Can I really trust my instinct? It failed me not once but twice. If what I felt for him is really true and strong, faith will brings us together. Or at least he will try to take chances to make this situation better. But if any of these things aint happening, then we were not meant to be with each other. All the things that I ever felt for him is only a infatuation!

Dissatisfied!

I have been quite busy till I have no bloody time for myself and also for my blog. My new job keeping me away from everything. The last thing I ever want in my life two weeks back was getting myself a proper job and settled down.

I went for few interviews. Mostly will succeed in the first interviews. They will say that they will call for the next interview and that’s it. U won’t get any answers or news from them. Is this one way to say NO to a successful first interviews candidates? At last, I got a decent job for myself. I was hired by a food company, AIM food manufacturing in Cheng, Melaka for Food Technologist position. Although it is not directly related to what I majored in, I was glad that it will somehow link back to biotechnology or sciences.

Happily started my job on 8^th November 2010. The first day, all the rules and rego was read to me. And they, made sure I truly understand all of them- literally. Then, came the discipline part. They looked at my nicely polished long nails n next minute I know there was a nail clipper right next to me. And they asked me to cut it all right at the moment!!! I was sooooo broken hearted. I know the last time I have seen my finger nails short was back in my primary school when I was in primary six. I have given no choice. It was part of HACCP for those who are working in food industry. Then came the second rule. UCANT WEAR ANY BLOODY PERFUME!!!!!! U gotta be kidding me!! What is a life for a girl without perfume? I don’t know about others. But I never leave the house without perfume. But now, for the job sake I’m doing it. While I’m trying to absorb all these rules in one day, there came the third rule. U CAN’T WEAR ANY ACCESSORIES. No earings, no chain, no hairclips and no nothing. 6 out of 7 days I have to be like this. What a life I’m having!!!! With all this, everyday I have to do overtime. So I’ll leave the house at 8am and will be back home at 8 or sometime 9 pm.

What I could do now? I have to go through this at least for 1 year, until I learnt all the skills and get a year experience. Then, I can apply for other company which is more fun working with. So for the moment I’m trying my best to adapt into this new environment and “fun-filling” working life.

                            

                                               

What a break......

It had been almost three months since I lastly wrote. Too busy or should I say I kept myself busy!!! Many events took place during this period of time. Part time job, few interviews in Multinational Company’s (MNC), break-up with my childhood love and my graduation. Detailed story will be up soon... J

My First Date- 24.07.2010

It is the most happiest, nervous, and irritating moment of my life. Confused? I know. All this feeling does not co-relate to each other. But this is how I felt on that day. It was planned at last minute. I mean very last minute. He called me around noon and asked me out for a movie (this is my childhood friend; we had a crush and now it is developing to love). We used to hang out quite often last time when we were friends. And most of the time it will be with some of my other colleagues as well. Never alone. This is the first time that we want to do it alone. I was very excited and nervous at the same time. I asked my mum (I told her about our relationship and she accepted!) and she said okay very easily. So we planned to go for Inception, 10pm show.

I started to try almost all clothes in my closet to choose the best to wear that night. And found one finally. I started to get ready when the clock struck at 8pm. It only took me half an hour to get ready. I made sure I look simple but sexy ;) in my own way. I don’t want to show him that I was excited for the moment although the truth is I was very very excited. The clock showed 9pm. He has not showed up. “Oh no, he’s late for his first date”? I wonder. I used to tease him last time by saying that he will be late for all important things in his life especially anything got to do with GIRLS when he used come late for any discussion or group study. And now he really did. I don’t know whether he did it purposely or he was up to something. So I waited and the clock showed 10pm. Definitely, we cannot make it for 10pm show. I messaged him. And he said one of his friend and his friend’s girlfriend wants to follow him as well. So it became the so-called double date. He said we will catch up the midnight show. My mum was kinda mad at me for going out late night (well she was worried) but she did allow me. Until now she did not really explained to me why she would take that risk. Is it because she trusts me a lot or is it because she trusts him a lot. I dared not ask her.

He was at my house at 10.15pm. We went by his car together with his friend as well. I was really mad at him and thought of scolding him for being late but when I saw the way his eye bloomed with excitement when he saw me get into his car made me forget everything (very easy to compel me right- only this guy does has the trick). It has been seven months since I lastly met him. We sort of confessed our love to each other last October. But our relationship did not progress much since we were apart from each other. I was in Sarawak and he stayed in Kuala Lumpur. And I was also very busy with my Final year that I had neglected and misunderstood him several times. So this is the first time we are meeting each other after many minor quarrels, affection, intimate conversation etc.

Everything went well. As usual we enjoyed teasing each other and were updating each other about our lives and where we were heading next - I mean in life ;). I was lost at certain moments when his friend started to talk. This is the first time I ever met him. So there was not much I could share in their conversation. And their conversation was specific about someone or something that they knew or shared. So I kept quiet. When he realized that, he tried to get me into his conversation by making it a general conversation. I appreciate it but the whole idea of double date sort of switched me off. It has been long since I met him. I want his attention on me. I want to have him for myself (I know I sounded possessive!! I’m well aware of that too). So, the idea of sharing him with his friend during our first date just pissed me off. I can’t even have any private chat with him. I even thought twice to hold his hand or to lie on his shoulder during the movie. But I dismissed the thought of it soon. I cannot show my affection publicly. It feels awkward! I know I’m weird but I just can’t do it.

So the rest of the night, I tried my best to be nice to his friends. I just didn’t want to create any bad impression from his friends on the first meeting itself. All of us enjoyed the movie. It was a mind blowing movie. But all my fantasies regarding how my first date will be were trashed. Nothing happened. Not even a goodbye kiss. Hmmm ...

In a nutshell, these are some big NO-NO’s if you are going for First date:

1.      Don’t be late. You might create bad impression

2.      Don’t do double date on your first date

3.      Even if you do, Don’t bring a friend that only either one of you is close to them – communication barrier

4.      If possible select a slow moving or boring movie that you need to concentrate less so that you could spend time or talk to each other  

5.      Lastly, Guys end your night with something sweet or memorable. It is a day that you will remember forever.

Love Story......

This is the story of a girl who waited patiently for so long for her love to be understood by a particular guy that stole her heart. They were childhood friends and know each other for around 10 years. It started with friendship and somewhere in the middle during their adolescent they realized it is not friendship anymore. Everything they share to each other has deep meaning and it was very intimate. Both of them are well aware of the hormonal changes and chemistry that taking place between them but neither of them wants to admit it. Their EGO, PRIDE, and FEAR of rejection hold them back. So what they did? It is easy to guess. They hide their feeling. How long they can do this? The boundaries broke one day. They confessed to each other. It was an awkward moment for both of them but it was undeniably sweet. They did not even think that their friendship will take a new direction. But it was the happiest moment in their life (at least for the girl). Now both of them just hope that they will be there for each other for the rest of their life while enjoying each other's company.

Nausea

Argghhhh what a weird feeling from morning. I had a terrible night last night. One of my friends called around midnight. While we were chit chatting I stated to realize that I’m getting the symptoms of my worst disease, migraine. But how could it be possible. Cause, usually my migraine will be due to heat or stress. And there is no chance for such a situation. It has been raining for few days and it damn freezing here and I’m at house doing nothing except get enough rest while of course gaining getting more “healthier”. So is it due to the fact that I’m hanging in phone for about 20 minutes?

 Weird!! Well it is my worst migraine where I feel like banging my head on the wall or hammer it!! And after few minutes of taking my migraine pills – Ponstan-  I was so restless. And the next thing I know is I was at the toilet bowl vomiting everything that I had consumed throughout the night. I was light headed. And I know I really need to get enough sleep so that it will be better the next morning. And guess what? I’m still having the same restless feeling for the whole day. I was nauseating throughout the day. Luckily, my migraine had gone. But I just don’t know how to get rid of nausea.  Huhu...

Job job job

Let me tell you what my schedule everyday is starting from the moment I got up from my bed – oh wait after my breakfast will be more appropriate. Log on to my Jobstreet account to check updates regarding my job application. There are about 7-8 application to different types of job in my specialization which is biotechnology. 

Well the jobs are not that great. Usually it will be lab technician, lab assistant, sales consultant and etc. Usually my qualification will be about the requirements or sometimes I will be over qualified for the job. The one thing I will be lacking is the experience part. I know I’m still a fresh graduate. But it is not my fault for heaven sake. I was not given a chance to show what my abilities are or to gain any experience.  And there would not be any great changes in the job application status. Either it will be My Application:New or My Application:In Process or My Application:Under Consideration or My Application:Kept for Reference or the worst My Application: unsuccessful. 

So, clearly there is not much about what I had to do more. Usually what I’ll do is search for more vacancies and applies for it. And repeat the same thing every day. This has been going since I finished my third year studies dated 18 May 2010. And right at the moment I still haven’t get any positive reply. Now I wonder what the problem is. You see troubleshooting the problem is another problem. I never came across anyone who had a positive experience in job searching by using Jobstreet. That makes my judgement little wobbly. 

Talking about my academic qualification. Hhmmm it wasn’t that bad. Of course I did not get a first class or gold medal. But I think upper second class is way too better for that jobs that I applied which requires minimum STPM or Diploma qualification. So what is the problem now? My curricular activities??  I don’t think so. I have good record of participation in curricular activities starting from my secondary schools until university. And I have valid certificates to prove that.  So what is the problem now?  All this analysis leads me to a dead end!!

 I’m stuck now. And I’m still wondering what and where did I went wrong. If this is going continue in my future job application, definitely I’m going to call the companies to ask them directly the reasons for the rejection. I know it is kinda rude. But hey what other option do I have now other than this? All this makes me wonder whether the Jobstreet is really doing it’s job o no? Or all this is just a blanket by government to say “hey people we are doing our best to help our graduates get employed”.  –duh-.

Truth discovered- nothing is forever....

Here I am at the age of 23 years old, still wondering how many people do really knows me for who I am? How many people do really love and cares for me. All the relationship around me seems too tangible. As if it will slip away any time soon.

May be they have been using me as a ladder for them to get something from me. Or I’m just there as a gap filler in their life. And I got to know all this when I’m in midst of my life crisis. The experience or the feeling of being an unemployed person is the hardest thing one can live with. It is even worst when you have excelled in everything academically or in curriculum previously. It feels like this is the only failure - the whole unemployment thing- The people who were there around to cherish my victory were not here to share my only failure. I wonder what and where it went wrong.....

I’m building a wall around me now. It is just too painful to know what you have cherished all this while is vanishing slowly. I have to prepare myself to face the world alone. And now the only person I could ever trust and put a hope on is myself and only myself.

I know this is only a phase (bad phase I mean) that I have to go through for the moment. It will be gone soon and I will be back to my path to be a successful person. But the lesson I learned through this experience is just hard to digest. You are all alone by yourself. ~ I know I will get through everything~

TROUBLED LIFE

Life has been tough for me recently. It was true that people says you are in a honeymoon year throughout your studying period although you know you are going through hell of time. But here I am, after I had completed my degree still wondering what will be my next step. It will be whether I will work or continue my Master's study. The problem now is the road/ path in front of me is just too blur. I could not determine what is best for me. How I wish I could be in UNIMAS now continuing my 7th semester. No matter how hard I try  I know it won’t happen. I got to do something or break this whole sober stage. The jobstreet, jenjobs, nor monster is doing great in finding me a job. No matter how many jobs I applied the results will be the same. It is either my application will be kept for reference or it will be an unsuccessful application. I know I am qualified to do anything in my field which is Biotechnology. I know I had enough knowledge of it. So what if I don't have experience. I can learn. I'm still fresh so there is nothing that I can't do. And I don't mind taking new challenges. Even the greatest person need to take his/ her own first step. Now all I'm asking for is a chance. A chance to prove I am a worthy person and u did not make a wrong decision by choosing me. 

Stupid Questions vs Brilliant Answers

Boy: May i hold your hand?

Girl:  No thanks, it isn’t heavy

Girl: Say u love me! Say u love me!

Boy: You love me

Girl: If we become engaged will you give a ring?

Boy: sure, wht’s  your phone number

Girl: i think the poorest people are the happiest.

Boy: then, marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple.

Girl: darling, i want to dance like this forever

Boy: Don’t you ever want to improve??

Boy: I love you and i could die for u!

Girl: How soon?

Nicole: have u ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?

Ash: i did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man: u remind me of sea.

Woman: because i’m wild, romantic and exciting?

Man: NO, u make me sick

Wife: u tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

Husband: you tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth

Sharon: john says im pretty. Peter says i’m ugly. Wht do u think Andy?

Andy: a bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

Teacher: “what do u call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Pupil: “ a teacher”

The confusion in English language solved forever. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be official language of the Euro rather than German which was other possibility.

As a part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and had accepted a five year phase-in-plan that would be known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the third year, public akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horrible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraseful. And they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary”o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations  of letters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! 

Subsidy

RM103bil savings from subsidy reduction

By TEH ENG HOCK

KUALA LUMPUR: The proposed reduction of Government subsidies will result in savings of RM103bil over five years, says Performance Management and Delivery Unit (Pemandu) chief executive officer Datuk Seri Idris Jala.

Among others, he said, the subsidy rationalisation laboratory proposed that fuel price be increased in mid-2010 by 10 to 15 sen, followed by 10 sen increase every six months until it reaches market price.

He said 61% of respondents in a SMS poll agreed that subsidies should be reduced while 66% preferred that it be done over three to five years. Some 200,000 people took part in the poll.

>> i wonder they give subsidy in the first place. if it is supose to help people then why they are taking it  back? so is this one of our government's dirty trick??

My first blog

Usually I'm not good at words. Or shall I say expressing myself. I have always been a closed book. Not easily attached to people unless I know them for quite sometime. So people tend to mistake me. They usually tag me as snobbish, unfriendly or loner. But those who knows me well will say the opposite of that. So my effort to overcome this is through blog. This blog mostly will be regarding me n my world n my thoughts. Enjoy the journey ;)